As a long-time conservative, it's hard for me to admit the grand old conservative movement has been taken over by homosexuals. Not that I have anything against homosexuals. No, no, not at all. I have some friends at work who are homosexuals. One of them hates paying taxes as much as I do!
You see, I was watching that fellow Andrew Brietbart -- you know the one who does those great undercover news stories about how African-American people are racists -- and it suddenly occurred to me how gay he is!
Look at the neatly trimmed goatee, the nicely-pressed suit, the obviously much fussed-over hair -- he's even got sideburns -- the pink shirt: he's gay. I mean Totally Gay.
Not that I have anything against gay people. In fact, I'm pretty much a libertarian on gay issues. As long as they hate taxes and communists as much as I do, they're okay by me!
Next time, I'll "out" Dick Cheney and George W. Bush -- the gayest conservative couple ever!
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